5 AM: Wake to the sound of massive rioting outside house. Run out into street and join they fray. I pause only to put on my wizard's hat and cape. I am a level 18 sorcerer. I cast lightning spells against the demonic hordes of robots sent from hell.
Dr Robotnik's army retreats. At least for today.

5:10 AM - Dry shave with a rusty razorblade.

5:20 AM - Chop wood in wifebeater shirt outside in -20.

5:30 AM - Beat roomates senseless with roll of nickels in a sock.

6:00 AM - Take Rhinocerus out for walk. Cover thick and leathery yet sensitive hide with warm wool blanket. Make sure no neighboring livestock is in what he considers his breeding territory. He can be an ornery bastard.

6:30 AM - Eat breakfast. Cheerios with rum.

7:00 AM - Phone random person and grunt like a troll

7:10 AM - Peel a Bananna.

7:15 AM - Eat the Bananna.

7:30 AM - Attempt to seduce the neighbor's wife and or daughter by singing Whitesnake songs with a bullhorn on the lawn.

8:00 AM - Smash thumbs with ballpeen hammer as repentance of sins.

8:00 - Various drugs and alchohols.

9:00 AM - College classes. Unless weekend. Then I am at work. If at work I dress as a pirate. Pegleg, parrot and all.

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